thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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