Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
