thus making me awesome and them whores
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
