I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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