I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
