I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
