come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
