I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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