I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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