The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
