someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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