mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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