Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
