Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
