found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
