Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
