my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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