Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
