I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
