I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
