just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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