weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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