I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
