So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
