Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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