Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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