A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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