I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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