New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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