It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
