awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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