Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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