how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
