I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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