The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
