Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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