So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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