Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
