First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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