woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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