I would go down on you faster than GM stock
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
