we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
