She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize