he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
