I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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