Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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