I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
