I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
