Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
