You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
