You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
