I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
