I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
