so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
