Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
