I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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