so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
