Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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