chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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