I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
