Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
