I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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