Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
