Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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