There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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